Plans. [27weeks]

"This isn't what I wanted or planned." Thoughts like these plague my mind from time to time. A blog that a friend recently wrote inspired me to write more about what I was feeling. I have plenty of time to just sit and think these days. I contemplate and try to understand how I'm feeling. Mostly with this whole "life plan" idea that people shove down our throats. I'm not in school anymore and I might not go back because I'm going to be a mom. Yea, I was planning on starting the Nursing program, but things have changed. People don't get it. They ask, "Why wouldn't you continue your school plan so if something ever happens to your husband, you'll be okay?" or "You have a back-up plan." It so hard to have courage and say, "It's not my plan, but it's God's alone." I'm struggling with that a lot lately. I have to constantly remind myself that God has me where HE wants me. I had dreams and plans to go on missions trips to Uganda, Kenya, China... wherever! I was going to be a nurse and come in contact with hurting people EVERY day. I thought, "Of course God wants that from me. I can share the gospel with all kinds of people. I must be on the right track." I'm not going to say that I will never be a nurse, but as far as I can see right now, it's not happening. God has me in a quiet place. It's so hard to get over my pride, sit tight, grow closer to Him, and enjoy it. God called me to be a mom and THAT is good enough. Yet many people try to convince me otherwise. Mom's are not held in the same respect any more. Guess what? I WANT to be a mom.

"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life...

She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy...

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."

Proverbs 31: 10-13, 20, 25-30

How am I supposed to feel? What if I don't feel like that? Because I really don't feel appreciated. I feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like I can't prepare for my son. I feel like a bad wife. If I'm a bad wife, then how can I be a good mom?

I try so hard to do the right things, yet this is how I feel. I really need some prayer and encouragement.

PLEASE.

Lately.

These past couple months have been stressful because we are still living at home while Dean tries to find work. It isn't the most ideal situation for a married couple, especially while getting ready for a baby, but "He's not finished with me yet."

I know that God is still with us through this "storm" and that He has a plan. Even though I can't stand this and I wish I could see what He is doing, I must wait patiently. I have to constantly remind myself that this isn't permanent. Dean will get a job, we'll move out, and start our family. This isn't going to happen when I want it to or when Dean wants it to. It's going to happen when God allows it. I've been through all kinds of emotions (especially being pregnant). It is extremely hard for me to "get ready" for our son while still living with our families. It really takes a toll on me when we have to go back and forth from my parent's house and his parent's house. Especially because I'm pregnant and extremely uncomfortable anyways. Our bedroom barely holds all of our stuff, but atleast we have one. I'm extremely thankful that we are living here....for free! That is what I have to remind myself when I start to dwell on how it should be. I know that God is trying to teach us (mostly me, I'm sure) a lesson during this time. I don't know what it is yet, but I'm constantly looking for it.

There have been many open doors for jobs, some of which God has closed. We are still awaiting a reply from both Home Depot and the DES for possible jobs. I'm praying like crazy that this is it! (: We will just see. Please continue to pray for us in this time. Pray for patience, especially!

Our Story.

It amazes me sometimes how time flies. My husband, Dean, and I have been together over 2 years now and we finally got married on August 6th. We are also expecting our first child, a boy, who is due to arrive February 2nd, 2011. Lately, I've spent a lot of time remembering how we started and how we got here. Neither of us thought this is where we would be, but we're both so glad that it happened the way it did.

We met in CHI 115 (A conversational Chinese class) at Glendale Community College in the Fall of 2008. I wasn't supposed to be in that class. I had signed up for Chinese 101 only to find out it had been canceled, so I settled for 115. Dean's friend convinced him to take the class. Our class met on Tue/Thur at 7pm. Dean says he noticed me right away, but it wasn't until the third or fourth week of classes (September) that I really started to notice how cute he was.

One night, the teacher was late (as usual), so I decided to step into the hall to wait. It was also to escape the weirdos in our class that only talked about anime. A couple minutes later this guy came to join me. He just smiled and said, "Good idea." We started talking until the teacher got there. This happened again the next class

meeting. When we started class, I noticed that he had moved seats to the side of the room where I was sitting. I couldn't help but watch him whenever the teacher called on him to speak in Chinese.

The next week he wasn't at class. I missed him. The next Tuesday class he showed up with his hair cut and lookin' fresh. (; I was so hooked! That night he complimented on how cute my feet were and we sat closer to each other than before. Honestly, I didn't even know his name until the teacher called on him that night. I really liked talking to him. It was after class, when we were walking to the parking lot, that I asked him for his number. Right after he left I text him my number saying "Hey this is Taylor." To w

hich he rep

lied, "Hey this is Dean but you probably already knew that."

Our first "date" was hanging out at school for a couple hours before class. The ones to follow included the mall, an awkwardly racist movie, and the homecoming dance. We haven't been separated since.

It was in June of this year that we found out I was pregnant. Our world drastically shifted that day.We knew that the best thing to do was to choose to get married and start our life together. We didn't know how our families would react, but we knew that we had to tell them as soon as possible. There couldn't have been a greater picture of God's love, mercy and grace, than our family. I'm so thankful for the forgiveness and love that they have shown to Dean and me. Our families and friends worked really hard to help

us put together a wedding in a little over a month. God was working because our wedding plans all fell right into place perfectly.

August 6th, 2010, was the best day of my life. I got to marry my best friend in the whole world and I wore my dream dress. God's continual blessings upon us were so evident on that day; from the little details that weren't quite ready, to holding off the rain during the ceremony. Our special day was incredibly and amazingly beautiful. I couldn't have asked for anything better. As for my husband, I'm so proud of the man that Dean is and that he continues to be as he seeks God every day. He loves me more than anyone and treats me how I should be treated. I'm so thankful that he stepped up to the plate, regardless of the fear we both had about being parents. We know it will be hard, but we are choosing to do it together the way God intends for us to. We know that He is with us and will continue to take care of us.

I'm starting this blog to record the rest of my pregnany, as well as, married life with a baby. I will be sharing any thoughts, devotions, plans, news, crazy dreams, etc. STAY TUNED FOR MORE NEWS AND PICS!!! (: I hope you enjoy reading about my journey as a wife and soon-to-be mom.