37 weeks.

I'm barely getting sleep these days, so I rarely have dreams. I don't even remember the last dream I had besides last night. It has made me kind of depressed because it was so realistic. I dreamed that my water broke or something and we finished packing my bag and left for the hospital. Even in the dream I had that feeling of "finally!" That only lasted a moment longer until I awoke, still in my bed. Why, out of all things did I have to dream this? Maybe it's because I am too anxious about my son's arrival that it's making me irrational. Am I crazy? Possibly.

I cannot wait for this pregnancy to be over and to finally hold my baby boy. So many people say, "Oh enjoy your pregnancy! It doesn't last forever." Well, to me it feels like forever. While I have had some amazing moments being pregnant, including bonding with my child, I am NOT one of those women who like being pregnant. I do not enjoy any part of it. I am pretty sure I have had depression before, but this has been ridiculous. I have been bombarded by the enemy with all kinds of unbearable thoughts. There have been days where the only thing that kept me going was the thought of holding my child. Glory to God for getting me through those stormy days and strengthening me. It is still hard, especially when I have nothing to do. God has been working though, because I'm not stressed about moving out. Yes, Dean is currently unemployed. Yes, I would like to move out and have our own place for OUR family. BUT the Lord has given me peace about this. I know He is preparing something for us.

My stresses are not gone though. They have only moved on to the next thing. This anxious/depression thing is a HUGE battle. Please pray that the Lord would equip me daily to deal with these thoughts and worries.