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"This isn't what I wanted or planned." Thoughts like these plague my mind from time to time. A blog that a friend recently wrote inspired me to write more about what I was feeling. I have plenty of time to just sit and think these days. I contemplate and try to understand how I'm feeling. Mostly with this whole "life plan" idea that people shove down our throats. I'm not in school anymore and I might not go back because I'm going to be a mom. Yea, I was planning on starting the Nursing program, but things have changed. People don't get it. They ask, "Why wouldn't you continue your school plan so if something ever happens to your husband, you'll be okay?" or "You have a back-up plan." It so hard to have courage and say, "It's not my plan, but it's God's alone." I'm struggling with that a lot lately. I have to constantly remind myself that God has me where HE wants me. I had dreams and plans to go on missions trips to Uganda, Kenya, China... wherever! I was going to be a nurse and come in contact with hurting people EVERY day. I thought, "Of course God wants that from me. I can share the gospel with all kinds of people. I must be on the right track." I'm not going to say that I will never be a nurse, but as far as I can see right now, it's not happening. God has me in a quiet place. It's so hard to get over my pride, sit tight, grow closer to Him, and enjoy it. God called me to be a mom and THAT is good enough. Yet many people try to convince me otherwise. Mom's are not held in the same respect any more. Guess what? I WANT to be a mom.
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life...
She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy...
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Proverbs 31: 10-13, 20, 25-30
How am I supposed to feel? What if I don't feel like that? Because I really don't feel appreciated. I feel like I can't do anything right. I feel like I can't prepare for my son. I feel like a bad wife. If I'm a bad wife, then how can I be a good mom?
I try so hard to do the right things, yet this is how I feel. I really need some prayer and encouragement.
PLEASE.
Taylor, first off, I want you to know that I think you will be a WONDERFUL mother! People will always critizise you for anything you do. However, if you know it's right, then the only person who can truly judge you is God. I am in a huge trasition period right now in my life.
ReplyDeleteI am starting the block program at ASU in the spring, I am leaving my job that I have held for the last 2.5 years. And you know what I couldn't be happier! I tell you this not to update you on my life(you could read my face book for that) But because I am criticized everyday for my current choices. I want to be a special educatin teacher. I could not tell you how many people turn thier nose up at me when I tell them this. The first thing they say is, "Wow, really? Why? You are going to need a lot of patience." I take that to offence becasue it's not like they are asking why do you want to teach but why do you want to teach those kids? They act like these children are a problem, they act like they don't deserve an education, that they are not worthy enough to be around. To me, the patience comes natuarlly. I don't view these people as different. When I tell people what my new job is I get even more riducle for leaving my current one. I am leaving the day care to take care and do habilitation and respite for a child with autism. I will tell you right now that I have never been more excited for something in my entire life. People ask why I am doing this, and I tell them it's where my calling is.
Now why again am I telling you all this. Because life plans change. I never thought for a million years I would be a teacher, let alone special eduaction, and I NEVER thought of leaving my current job until I started student teaching. That was my plan! When people ask me, well what if this does't work, and what if this, what if that? It's hard to not take what they say, and dwell on the negative.
I know that you had plans, and you will have even more plans, however, remembering that God's plan is the only plan is what to focus on. Negative people will come, and go. That's the Devil moving in to try and gain territory, and you can't let him affect you. You may not realize but you have such a big support group behind you. You have friends who love you, family who loves you, a husband who loves you, and most of all you have God who loves you!!
I think being a mom is the most amazing things in the world! I can't wait to be one! You will share your love and helping through your son! You will show other people just how strong love can be!!! I am proud of you, and all you stand for! I know things will get better!
I don't know if this will help any....I read your blog and just started typing! Hopefully it helps because it all came from the heart, which means it came from God!! :]
P.S If you ever need something don't be afraid to ask!
Praying for you and messaging you. :)
ReplyDelete"Since God chose you to be holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful." Colossians 3:12-15
ReplyDeleteTaylor first off Jesus loves you and so do I! Secondly, sometimes in life God will smush us down and strip away everything that we think is important. That way God can take away anything that we could possibly give the glory to. Maybe God doesn't want you to have a plan so that in the end you can give the glory to him.
We all seek out a security blanket in this world (Jobs, savings, schooling etc.) and maybe God doesn't want you to cling to that security blanket when times get tough. He wants you to cling to him.
Imagine a forty year old man still carrying around a blanket for protection. People would tell that man to grow up and be the man that he is suppose to be. Maybe in your life God is saying you need to grow up and stop clinging to your blanket. Maybe God is saying, "Taylor I need you to be the best wife you can to your husband and the most loving mother possible to your baby." That doesn't mean you need to get a job or go to school. All it simply means is that you need to give your BIG DADDY in heaven whatever you are relying on other than him. That is the only way he can show you exactly what he wants for your life.
If you let God be your security blanket then he will "let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your heart."
God will show you his plans and people may think you are nuts for not doing the "smart" or "logical" thing. Remember, God is the only one you need to be seeking approval from. Galatians 1:10 says "Obviously, I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant."
Praying for you! :D
Praying for you sweet Taylor. Sometimes the Lord allows us to make the decisions that change our path or course. When we do make choices that are not according to what we had planed, we don't surprise God and he intends us to learn from them.
ReplyDeleteYou will be a wonderful mom. Let the Lord strengthen you and encourage you. If allow HIM alone to guide you, you will be just fine. You have a new task at hand. You are a mom and a wife. Ask the Lord to empower you to do those things now. He will lead you down a path of righteousness, all you do is follow.
The time for ministry to the nations is not gone, it just looks different. You may not be launching off on some great expidition just yet, but I am praying that the Lord reveal to you and Dean, exactly how he wants to use you in reaching the Nations for Christ.
I love you sweet girl. God is in control, trust in him, lean not on your own understanding.
I love you
Auntie D
Taylor,
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to travel to other places to impact people, you dont have to be a nurse to help people. You are a great example for Christ right here. Your quiet beauty can teach the younger women in so many ways, the way you love Dean is awesome. In Titus 2 it says to train the younger women to love their husbands and children. Who knows, your impact on people here in Az may be just what the Creator wants!
Even though the Proverbs 31 woman worked outside the home, she also worked inside the home, sounds exhausting all she did lol. No shame should be put on MOMS who dedicate their lives to their family. Her children will rise and call her Blessed! Serve your family proudly and if people think less of you, thats on them! It's a hard job and one that you will fulfill greatly! love u, go get em :)
CONGRATS TAYLOR!!!! :) I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR YOU AND I STILL AM :) God Bless-
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